Four friends, who hadn’t seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.
 
Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said,
‘My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel.
He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he’s the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.’

The second guy said,
‘Darn, that’s terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He’s so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.’

Preparing your tax return is enough to make just about any one of us weep like young children. The tax code is insanely complex. Before you begin, print this out and read it when you are getting stressed out. A good laugh can make a big difference.

The IRS! They’re like the Mafia, they can take anything they want! - Jerry Seinfeld

The more expansive government is, the more perils people face in daily lives, be it from IRS agents or from child support services, or from other agencies that often have little or no legal restraints on their power. - James Bovard

When You Do a Good Deed, Get a Receipt, in Case Heaven Is Like the IRS.

Earlier today, the White House released President Bush’s tax return. Not surprisingly, under dependents, the president listed Iraq. - Conan O’Brien

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

‘Certainly, Sir, that’ll be one cent.’

‘One Cent?’ the man exclaimed.

He glanced at the menu and asked:
‘How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?’

‘A nickel,’ the barman replied.

‘A nickel?’ exclaimed the man.
‘Where’s the guy who owns this place?’

The bartender replied:
‘Upstairs, with my wife.’

The man asked: ‘What’s he doing upstairs with your wife?’

The bartender replied:
‘The same thing I’m doing to his business down here.’

The 6th Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly: ‘I have something I must confess.’

‘There’s no need to, ‘his wife replied.

‘No,’ he insisted, ‘I want to die in peace.

I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!’

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

‘Hurry,’ she said, ’stand in the corner.’ 

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

‘Don’t move until I tell you,’ she said, ‘pretend you’re a statue.’

‘What’s this?’ the husband inquired as he entered the room.

‘Oh it’s a statue,’ she replied, ‘the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.’

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

‘Here,’ he said to the statue, have this.

I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.’

A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.

Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

‘I’m sorry Mr. Schwartz,’ the mortician commented, ‘I can’t allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity.’

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home 

‘I have something to show you won’t believe,’ he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

‘My God!’ the wife exclaimed, ‘Schwartz is dead!’

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife: ‘There’s no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?’

The wife smiled sweetly and replied:

‘Not this time!’

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM .
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.

‘Where have you been?’ his wife demanded.
‘I can’t lie to you,’ he replied,
‘I’m having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.’

She looked down at his shoes and said:
‘You lying bastard!
You’ve been playing golf!’